generaljanuary: (amours imaginaires: nico)
[personal profile] generaljanuary
Media: Fic
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Title: Smell the Roses
Author: [ profile] fanny_moon
Rating: R to be safe
Spoilers: Up to and including Silly Love Song
Warnings: Healthy teenage boy fantasies and implied masturbation. Oh my.
Word Count:a little over 1100
Summary: Believe it or not, Kurt has, through some painful and embarassing missteps, learned patience- to some extent at least.

Believe it or not, Kurt has, through some painful and embarassing missteps, learned patience- to some extent at least. He's learned to take what he can get and be glad for it.

So, friends it is, then. On a scale of boyfriends to fiasco, friends is pretty great, actually and Kurt wouldn't be Kurt if he was used to getting exactly what he wants- doesn't mean he can't try his hardest to get it, though! Just... it doesn't have to feel like a fight, a constant battle, anymore. Now that the truth is out there, floating in the space in between them, tangible in its fragility, he doesn't feel so winded anymore.

Winded from trying to run fast enough, climb high enough, to reach Blaine. The steep hill's been reduced to rubbles beneath their feet and once the dust settles, they'll be standing on equal grounds, as friends. For now.

Because, yes, Kurt has learned some patience and to be grateful for what he can get but he's also... so starved, still. And he's got a gentle boy looking straight into his eyes, saying he cares so, so much, saying he doesn't want to screw this up. If Blaine's eyes had been shying away, if his body language had shown discomfort, Kurt would have cut his losses, cried a little, later, all by himself. Then, he would have washed his face with icy cold water and wiped his mind clear of the bitterness of yet another rejection, of the fact that most of the good things in his life only exist in his head. He would have taken Blaine's friendship and embraced it in the healthiest way he could and yes, he would have been glad for it. For what he'd salvaged. Period.

But Blaine, true to the nature of their relationship since the very start, had been heart-breakingly open and honest and so, so earnest in his cluelessness. Just a little bit tortured and a whole lot adorable and Kurt had felt a strange calm bloom slowly in his chest, warm and almost dizzying. A certitude of sorts.

There wasn't going to be an ­"Old Navy Intervention" or a "Starbucks Seduction". It was just going to be him and Blaine climbing a new hill together, at the same pace.

And if there were more coffee non-dates and maybe-flirty duets along the way, then Kurt was delighted, because he got to keep his friend and he got to keep his hope. He got to stop running after something he felt he could never really reach, to take a leisurely stroll instead and heck, if the scenery happened to be wearing skin-tight jeans, Kurt was more than happy to take his time and admire it. Smell the roses and all that.

What he hadn't expected, though, was for his attraction to grow. Blaine hadn't changed the way he styled his hair, didn't bulk up in the gym or started wearing different clothes. He was still good old friendly Blaine with his uniform and smile and eyebrows and strong shoulders and- wow, Kurt needed to stop that train of thought right there. It was Kurt's awareness of Blaine that had changed. While in the past Kurt had been attracted to models in magazines, to Finn Hudson's dopey charm and even to Sam Evans simply because he looked like a possibility, he was now no longer simply mesmerized by Blaine's physicality; his attraction had, for the first time, reached new dimensions, gained new layers. The other boy's honnesty had sprouted new fantasies in Kurt's mind.

He used to dream about Blaine whispering low and slow in his ear "Kurt, it's okay. You're beautiful." All encompassing, almost overwhelming with his experience and take-charge attitude. Now, he laid awake at night and imagined things differently. Because Blaine didn't know what he was doing. He'd never been anyone's boyfriend. At first, Kurt conjured up images of himself shoving Blaine up against a wall, bending down a little to breath hot and heavy into his neck because- yes! He was a little taller than no-longer-larger-than-life-Blaine and he had no idea why that was suddenly such a turn on for him. But beyond the new and exciting idea that he could get to be the instigator for once in his life, laid the much more satisfying possibilities of equality and reciprocation. So his fantasies slowly morphed. He pictured them trapped in a small space, maybe a closet, both of them unable to keep their hands off of each other. Exploring at the same pace. Experiencing the same wonder at the new contact and intimacy. Blaine's voice shaky as his lips brushed against Kurt's skin, rasping out: "You're so hot, Kurt". Not pretty or beautiful. Kurt imagines both of them so turned on by the other that they lose control.

And it's good. It's the best. Because he's alone and panting on his bed and he can hear the sound of Blaine's laughter in his head. Because that's what they're good at, as friends. They're honest, they know how to make the other feel good about himself. They make each other laugh. His fantasies feel achievable, so right, like they could happen anytime. Like they were just below the surface of reality and he and Blaine just had to lift a veil and they would seamlessly come true. He wonders if Blaine has them too. And that right there is enough to keep him busy for a good long while.

So yeah. Kurt can't help but to feel like his heart is about to vibrate right out of his chest when he's standing close to his best friend, but it feels so good. That joyous anxiety; getting to know another person by heart, getting as much as he gives, everyday, watching these enormous feelings between them grow and grow. It's warm and comfortable, and Kurt basks in it.

One day they will definetely lift that veil together; sometimes they're silent and they look at each other and the knowlegde just hangs comfortably between the two of them, ensconced in between knowing smiles. In the mean time, Kurt is patient and he enjoys every minute of what he's got because he knows someone is going to catch him, and his own arms are wide open and welcoming.

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September 2011

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