generaljanuary: (its ok im not leaving you)
Soooo. I've been home for about 4 days and now I come back to internetland and I have like 200 entries to catch up on on my friends page. Whoo hoo! I'm wading through, slowly but surely. ;)

I missed sunday night FFA at [livejournal.com profile] ontd_spnparty :(

I've been on a Grey's Anatomy marathon. In four days I've gone through S1, S2 and half of S3. It's a re-watch, I've seen everything up to the end of season 4. I was suprised to realize that I know most of S1 and S2 by heart. I didn't know I watched GA that much. I'm looking forward to re-watching S4. I only watched it once and I was under the influence of internet bitchfests so now I can watch it again with more distance. (Also I'm sort of in love with Owen. I loved Burke too. I'm totally stalking Cristina's men and it's funny 'cause there could NOT be a character I less identify with. haha) What I hate the most about Greys? The cast drama influencing the plot. FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. And it's not even just the one time. It happens over and over and over again.

On another show watching note, I converted on of my guy friend to SPN and we've finally reached the end of S3! \0/ (It's been almost a year since we started watching it, our schedules don't really match. haha)

Completely unrelated, but the trailer for Xavier Dolan's new movie just came on the tv.



Now I'm really looking forward to the eleventh! I wasn't sure if I was going to go see it because Dolan's boy genius attitude seriously gets on my nerves. (I heard he's really like that, I heard it's a character he plays, I heard it's only to mask the fact that he is really shy, I really don't care, there are other ways to present yourself *eyeroll*) But now I am intrigued.

I think that's it. :)

Oh! I might or might not be writing J2 fanfiction. More on that later. Maybe.

And omg, this post was so painful to write. My brain can't english right, je suis désolée.
generaljanuary: (birdies)
I just finished watching Ten Inch Hero for the first time. I really liked it, I don't understand why this movie got so much hate. I paid big bucks for much flavourless romcoms at the movie theatre.

Now it's 5 am, I've got a bad crick in my neck and I'm off to bed. The morning birdies will sing me to sleep.
generaljanuary: (happy bb sammy)

 

Me and my BF, sitting on his couch. He's watching some DVDs and I'm abusing his laptop:

Seb: What are you doing? You keep sighing.
Me: Bleargh. I re-organizing my tags. I have like 140 tags and as many entries. It's long and boring.
Seb: Did you keep your "Seb" tag?
Me: No. I shoved you in RL.
Seb: *stricken* What?!
Me: You're the only person who's interested in the Seb tag, Seb. *eyeroll*

haha, I <3 him.

So yeah, I re-organized my tags. It was long and boring. I'm not saying every entry is perfectly tagged,but at lest I don't have 100 useless tags anymore. :)
generaljanuary: (sw+dw)

I've re-watched some early Supernatural season 4 this morning and I want to hate Sam so much. I understand his motivations, but why the lies. You break my heart, Sammy. What redeems him in my opinion (and I find it curious because I consciously adhere to no religion), is his earnest faith in angels and God. How excited and happy he is to learn of their actual, proved existence. He is thrilled at the idea that the angels are coming to help them. 

I hate when they give horoscopes on the radio. Actually I hate listening to the radio.  /random

I chose a new layout earlier this week, I was getting tired of the old one and found it too dark. Nothing fancy, but it might only be temporary. Also I need to find a new mood theme. *is still lj-stupid after 5 years*

Also, I need to start looking for a new job. The tip to paying off debts and saving money is... to actually earn some. (actually the only incentive I have right now to get a job is that I'll need money in september to buy Supernatural season 5 when it comes out on DVD. Yes, I know that's pretty sad.) Actually, I want to pay off my credit card and save at least 1000$ before I apply for university.  *hums "Dream On" by Depêche Mode*
After nearly 7 years of slaving away at a job I always hated, I did deserve a little time off, no? My friends and family's answer to that seems to be...  NO. haha.

RL is hard. *sigh*


If only a million sigh could turn into a tornado
And sweep away my troubles
...
A million and one.

Have a nice day everyone, I hope the sun is shining wherever you are. If not, grab your umbrella and make your own sunshine. :)

EDIT: I found a cool animated SPN mood theme! It's made by [livejournal.com profile] lidi and you can find it HERE

G'night.

Jun. 2nd, 2009 12:44 am
generaljanuary: (spn: my brother)
Seb:* laying in his futon, watching House dvds*
Me:*sitting in his big-ass brown chair, reading Supernatural fanfiction on his laptop*
Seb: *turns of fTV and bedside lamp* I'm turning in, good night. *hides face under covers*
Me:... Did you switch which side of your futon you rest your head on? I thought you slept with your feet that way?
Seb: Well, I don't really have a pre-definite position.
Me:*wide-eyed in the dark* ...Wow. I couldn't do that.
Seb: I know! *chuckles*
Me:What?
Seb: You're compulsive about your sleeping habits. You can't sleep if you're missing one of your six pillows.
Both: *laugh*
Me: ...I'll have you know that I've been doing without one of my pillows for a few days. I saw a spider crawling on it and I can't bring myself to drag it back from the floor to my bed.
Seb: * laughs at me some more*
generaljanuary: (dont let go)
Well here's what's been going on with my life recently...
My favourite band released a new song in anticipation of their new album due for early june:

I've been feeling pretty "European" as my mother put it. Complete with French movie, French novels and beret. (kidding about the beret. I do own a few but they're all dusty.)
That second vid is not safe for work.Unless your workplace encourages the viewing of French young men frolicking on a bed while signing sad love songs.

That's from "Les Chansons D'Amour". A strange little musical that starts off with a guy involved in a ménage a trois with his girlfriend and another girl he works with and that ends up with that guy being with another guy. That's my kind of flick. :p

I've been reading Philipe Besson, who has a knack for writing short and painful novels.

There's also this one particular manga that's claimed my attenton over at yaoi_daily.


Here, Spring just took over everything. It's bright, cloudless, blue sky after bright, cloudless,blue sky. Some days I look up and I just can't breath. Spring and skippy yet profound The Smith's song "Mr. Shankly" inspired me a HP fic I hope to finish before the end of April.

Everything seems to be going just fine, but the paint is chipping away pretty fast. *half smile*

STACY!! Where are you? What's going on with you, honey? I'm worried.

Mais...

Feb. 8th, 2009 01:03 am
generaljanuary: (keep on smilin)
Mais je serai toujours la pour aller te chercher ta bouteille d'absinthe quand tu auras besoin de "vomir ta vie" parce que "les gars c'est tous des salauds". Et oui, je t'avais dit qu'il avait une face de crosseur, mais non, je n'ai pas toujours raison. Ne laisse pas une autre blessure te priver du bonheur que tu merites. *gros calin*
generaljanuary: (Default)
I've got a lot of silly stupid things to write about so if you are in a hurry feel free to skip my sure-to-be overly long post and carry on with whatever it is that you are doing.

I burnt both my hands in separate incidents today at work. They've got these painful, ugly blisters and I can't remember if they hurt less or more if you burst them. One would think that someone who burns herself as often as I do would remember something like that, but no. I don't.

Sebastien is sort of pampering me and I can't bring myself to tell him to stop. He'll be hurt, he won't understand and I won't want to explain. It would go something like this:
Fannie: Stop acting like you're my boyfriend.
Sebastien: What?!
F: If you do everything for me I won't be able to stand on my own when you leave.
S: Pish posh! I'll never leave!
F: Stop saying that. One day you will get a boyfriend and I will expect you to care more for him than you do for me.
S: I don't need a boyfriend, I've got you. Besides, you might get a boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Whatever.
F: I won't.
S: (now he'll look sad, he always does when I say something that makes him see just how low my self-esteem can reach) That again!
F: That always. This is not about my personal drama, this is about you being too kind and me being almost selfish enough to let you do it. I know you're only trying to be a good friend but I want to be a good friend too. I'll never learn to do things on my own if you're always there to do them for me.
S: But I don't feel like I have to, I just like doing stuff for you.
F: This conversation is making me sound like Jennifer Anniston's stupid character in "The Object of my Affection".
S: Yeah, whatever, if you feel inspired enough to write imaginary arguments in your livejournal go write a play or something.

... anyways.

A childhood memory came over me today for no reason at all. I remember being with my mother at the drug store and she spent hours choosing a lipstick. She'd test them on her hand, see what the colours looked like. She tried all sorts of reds, pinks and mochas. My mother was never an elegant lady. She was a stay at home mom, she'd usually only wear make up if we went out to the mall or the restaurant, but as a little girl, that fact didn't enter my mind as she asked my opinion about certain colours. After an eternity and a hand smeared in a true pallet of lipstick shades, we left the store, both beaming, with this precious, tiny tube of bright, outrageously red lipstick. I don't think she ever wore it. Maybe she thought she couldn't pull it off. Or even worse, maybe inside, she felt like the kind of woman who could pull it off, but when she saw it on herself in the mirror she felt actually really silly and frustrated for ever thinking that she could be this fabulous, daring woman. I know for a fact this has often happened to me. I'd spend the longest time applying make up just to look at myself in the mirror at the end of it all and bursting into frustated, self-berating fits of self-esteem crash, complete with tears and throwing stuff around. In my teens, my mother gave that tube of lipstick to me. I wonder if it was a thoughtless act or if she actually felt like she was giving away her hopes of ever being the kind of woman who can pull off bright red lipstick. I wonder if she was hoping I'd grow to be he kind of woman she knew she could never be. Well, mom, I do wear crazy shades of lipstick, but as you know I am not a case of study in self-confidence, I hope you are not disapointed.

I have to apply to go back to college. I have to. If I don't, I fear I will just... crumble up into ashes and disapear completely. This year, I really feel that it's now or never and if it's never, the shame would overwhelm me and I'd never be able to look anyone in the eyes ever again. Expecially not my poor disapointed dad.

I was thinking earlier today that there are rooms in my house that I haven't been in for years now. Which brought on the thought (of which I've been aware for a very, very long time, but shied away from) that my house hasn't felt like home for many, many years and yet I do not feel any need to move out, or be elsewhere. I do not feel the need to be anywhere at all, most of the time, anyway. I do not really recognize my needs anymore. They're sort of swallowed up in strange mood waves and expectations and lethargicity. The only need I know to be entirely true is the need to fill every available inch of my mind with absolutely anything. So that I don't have to think about real stuff for too long. I don't know if I'm glad or sad to have finally found out why I've always been so eager to read every book that's ever been written and watch every movie that's ever been made.

Unhinged

Dec. 7th, 2008 10:21 pm
generaljanuary: (bored of being you)
There's this half unhinged door. It can't open properly, neither can it close. It can barely waver between the two. It's just there, doing nothing. Nobody expects anything out of it; it's been broken this way for a while. Nobody knows how to fix it so it's just there, unable to perform any of the simple tasks a door is expected to accomplish. Sometimes when people pass by, it sort of shakes and whines, but that's it.
generaljanuary: (romance)
I dreamed I was in love with someone who was in love with someone else. Why must even my dreams be so uncool. lol :) Seriously, though, I think that's better than having to wake up from a very nice dream. Not all that often ( I'd say about once a year if I had to put a number on it) I have wonderful dreams in which I feel beloved.  (My, I'm so embarassed to be saying such a stupid thing, I hope the sentence gets lost in the paragraph and no body ever reads it.) And then I wake up and I feel lousy all day. Sebastien says he usually doesn't remember his dreams, but he talks a lot during his sleep. He says things like  "No, doing this is bad." or  "I've already been to this place." and I find it insanely funny. My maman has a book on analyzing dreams, but I don't think she uses it much. The other day she told me she dreamed she was buried in dirty snow. My sister says she rarely remembers her dreams, but she has these Deja vu experiences a lot. They make her feel anxious, she once told me.  My dog sighs a lot and often whines while she sleeps. When she wakes up, she goes frantic if she thinks she's alone in the house.  I wonder what my baby godson dreams about. I hope he dreams about his mother's soft skin and his father's strong hands. I hope he dreams about his grandma doing stupid dances to make him laugh. I hope he dreams of the first thing he did upon being born; gripping my index finger tight in his tiny, tiny hand. My papa, I know he doesn't sleep a lot, but I hope than when he does, he dreams of freedom and motorbikes. And maybe of a happy family. And of a grandson he's never met.
generaljanuary: (Default)
 I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. My future, mostly. It just seem like I've jumped the gun in this whole life thing. Failure to launch and all that. I used to blame it on my depression but that's getting pretty old seeing as I've been off medication for six months.  (Unsupervisedly, but still.) It was just too easy. "No I don't have any plan about my job / going back to school / getting my own place because I never planned on living past 20"  Well guess what, I'm 20 and a half (sounds like a 4 year old) and I'm still there, and not planning on going anywhere. So I better get back into gear or else my future is not going to go anywhere either. 

Mostly, it's the good old fears. 
You won't get a new job because you're stupid / fat / incompetant
You won't get back in school, they'd never want someone who dropped out twice
No ones is ever going to love you because you are ugly and damaged

When they come to the front of my mind, they are mostly fleeting. I can take comfort in other thoughts. 
You have a stunning experience of the work market and you are loyal and motivated. 
You are cultivated and opinionated, you have dreams and goals.
You can always count on your friends and family they will never desert you. 

And if all fails i can always take out Kiki the blood-hungry yo-yo. It does  help with focusing and calming erratic thoughts. :)

Each day should be a new oportunity. 

Right?


generaljanuary: (wreck)

In more consistant news, I've had another minor public breakdown, in a pub. It was all fun and stuff and then Sebastien squeezed a few words out of me and I pretty much lost it. I've been feeling pathetic ever since. Not so much about the public display of shameful weakness (been getting used to that) but more about that stupid, stupid thing I said. I really really didn't want to. There are some things that are just too raw and covered in too much layers of other painful stuff. I really didn't want to tell him about this. I can't even think about it, it make me feel so lame. He was not even trying to be all that pushy, but I saw that it hurt him when I told him that there were some things I would just never feel comfortable talking about. I didn't want him to think I didn't trust him or whatever. I'm just not an advocate of talking about stuff that hurt me se deep (in a public place, no less) , with someone who can't offer any comfort or true understanding. Though. as expected, he's been pretty cool about it (meaning he didn't mention it again) and I'm grateful for that. 

It's just hard sometimes. Mostly the things that bother me a very common, but thy're just buried so deep and so close to my core. They just hurt so bad. 

I just gotta stop thinking about it now. Okay. 
Good night.

Daddy cool

Oct. 13th, 2005 01:38 pm
generaljanuary: (Default)
My computer sucks. It sucks so bad that I had to physically refrain my father (who knows nothing about computer anyway) from throwing a massive hammer at it... Nah... just kidding. He said he'd do it but that's how it is with dad's "threats". All words, no actions. Poor daddy. Not that I mean to ridicule his authority -when he gets angry, he gets angry!- but yeah, he's a big teddy bear. He growls loud but he doesn't bite. *hugs*

Well anyway, my computer sucks. Whyyyy oh! whyyy can't I listen to music on it anymore huh? Whyyyy oh! Whyyy won't it let me save pictures on it anymore eh? (and the list goes oooon and ooon... ;-;) *siigh*

Why do I always look so much forward holidays when all I do is stay home all alone missing my family? Oh well, better not get into that train of thoughts, ne?

*blinku*

Sep. 25th, 2005 10:18 pm
generaljanuary: (Default)
Now, now! Guess who was chosen Employee of the Month? =D
Now, now! Guess who is going to get a promotion and a better salary? =D

Suddenly working my lovely butt off at McWorthshit doesn't seem so worthless anymore. *grins* Plus I've got this new gay co-worker who was so upset the other day about not liking his new hair color. He's an adorable sweetheart. And that other obviously staright co-worker guy and his more and more obvious obssession with my butt. Woah!!!???O_o ... anyway n_n;;

German is killing my brain *brain melts*
Mein Katze ist schwartz
Ein zwei drei vier funf sechs
Die Freudin//Die Freudinen
Scheint die Sonne?
Bist du blau?
Der Himmel ist blau!
*brain melts some more*

Spanish is altogether pretty easy.
Mi padre es un hombre muy encantador!
Me gustan los gatos.
Baila usted bien o mal?
Tengo sueno despuede de la clase de espanol de la senora Morissette.
La capital de México es la ciudad de México.
ochenta y cinco mas veinte es ciento veinte
*sigh*

I so love that I get to discuss Achilles and Patroclus' relationship as an essay topic in my Artistic and Literary Currents class XD

The Fall of the House of Usher= Sirius' family, anyone?

The Mars Volta's singer's legs' are still MINE!

I watched NGE ep. 24 and didn't cry! That's a first...
...
...
Kaworu-kuuuuuun!! TT_TT *sniffles*

What a nice glimpse at my dispatched mind ^^^^;;;
generaljanuary: (Default)
Am I the only person who think that street lights changing in the middle of the night when there is no one to watch is poetic?

Spent an hour writting a post about Mickael yesterday night but my computer went nutters and crashed thus erasing it. It's better this way. I mean, how much can you write in your LJ before you become a pathetic needy open book.

Why am I so fucking scared of people?

I want Zoolander slash!XD

Gotta get my hands on my English scrapbook. All my crap school poetry is in it (including the infamous gay boy one!!XD). I'd like to post it here. It's crap but I like it. I like crap. Probably why I'm still working at McDon'tgothere.

Et, just parce que ça fait vraiment trop longtemps que ne n'ai pas taper en français, un peu de pratique!! ^^;; Je devrais vraiment me mettre a traduire mes foutus fanfics. Bordel que chuis conne. Paresseuse et conne. Je devrais pas faire tant de choses en meme temps. Surtout quand je sais très bien que je suis incapable de mener un projet à terme correctement. Oooh... je pourrais traduire 'L'Incompris'.

rough translation of a french poem of mine...Here goes:


Read more... )

It is very weird in english...O.o

The other day, my mother called me Gary. (Gary=French jerk lover-boy, retired mailman who stole her away from us with his fancy words and sharp political opinions and money ) She always had a hard time with names she'd usually list 'em all until she got the right one. I was often 'Laurie-Richard-Sissi(dog)-Bibi(cat)-Fannie'. I never minded 'Laurie-Richar-Sissi-Bibi'. Somehow 'Gary-Fannie' made me feel the urge to slap her. But then we were on the phone so hey what could I do?

*sigh*

Love meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'm so fucking patethic.

Feel like drawing. Or writting that sorta NC-17 zoolander slash idea. mmh... slash. Slash should be a ice cream flavour. The senseless 'I WANNA LICK YOU YAOI-KUN' written on the first page of my agenda would make much much much more sense.

I'll stop now. because i have to stop or else i'll spend all night typing non senses.

adkvnaio0nhaionbai0nbipENFI0GER HJQOGNJ20CV9QGJ IPSJmci0qehm 0ve;qlch g1io0ehy01gieg1cp9vj,djf890c7rj,fkvm90rcfi,jlrnmjioemucv90wr,jédfiouvjicaàb.0t,k8chm0cv89,cjpfbjkzsoprueifj,klcvi;diaxèqwer8-0,

Bonne Nuit à tous ceux que j'aime.

*sigh*

Apr. 17th, 2005 01:18 pm
generaljanuary: (Loveless Dreaming)
As soon as I turn my back l'Imaginaire receives tons and tons of stuff I need to buy! Laurie-neesan is going to be so pissed if she knows Para-Kiss 4 is out and I gotta buy it before it sells out! haven't bought it! ;-;. But right now, really, the priority definately is CLAMP ANTHOLOGY argh!! I want my paycheeeeeeck! can't wait until thursday! *dies* Anyway...

I love grocery shopping with my dad. ^^

Yesterday went surprisingly well. I had been having suspicions about the marching band. I had left because I felt I was too mentally f*cked up to stay. I left for five motnhs and in this lapse of time, I got extremely better. I rejoined, sure that this time I could make it, but it seems that it's making me worse... anyway, Saturday, it really went well. Everybody was nice and warm and I had a lot of fun ^^. I was so relieved...

I know it's shameful, but I really don't care if people pity me. I just want them to make me feel better, to care about me or make me believe they do. I don't care if I live in an illusion. I just want to stop feeling like the worse piece of sh*t all of the time.

Anyway, in the evening My sister and I had planned to go downtown and have a coffee in this nice coffee place, but we met Jo in the bus and we decided to go to the italian Ice cream parlour. *drool* Forget everything you know about Ice cream! Tutto Gellato is to ice cream what Pot of Gold is to box of chocolate! I had white chocolate and hazelnut, coconut and milk and honey. Soooo good ^^ then we went to the aracade and went back home.

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