generaljanuary: (I <3 bowie)
Free studies are starting to look alright to me. I used to be pretty sure I didn't want to enter university, but the more I think about it, the more I think going back to college with no idea what's waiting for me after is bit of a no-go. I've been whining for years that I've become a drifter because I spent all my teens thinking I would most likely not live past twenty and therefor had no actual plan for the future.
So... I think I'm going to look into financial aid (my dad always said I wouldn't have to keep paying him to stay home if I went back to school, but I know that he couldn't afford losing the feeble amount I provide him each month...)and enter university in free studies in order to gather enough credits to enter an actual uni program. I'm thinking... teaching. French or English, most likely. In secondary school(high school) or cegep (college). I dunno... I just really, really badly want to do something concrete other than working my crappy, CRAPPY job. Seriously. I want to feel like I'm actually worth something. Like I'm a pro-active part of society, or whatever. I just don't want to be that ridiculous college dropout wasting away in a fast-food place forever.

I've got to hunt down new comms, my regulars have gone almost dead in the last week or so.
generaljanuary: (Default)
 I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. My future, mostly. It just seem like I've jumped the gun in this whole life thing. Failure to launch and all that. I used to blame it on my depression but that's getting pretty old seeing as I've been off medication for six months.  (Unsupervisedly, but still.) It was just too easy. "No I don't have any plan about my job / going back to school / getting my own place because I never planned on living past 20"  Well guess what, I'm 20 and a half (sounds like a 4 year old) and I'm still there, and not planning on going anywhere. So I better get back into gear or else my future is not going to go anywhere either. 

Mostly, it's the good old fears. 
You won't get a new job because you're stupid / fat / incompetant
You won't get back in school, they'd never want someone who dropped out twice
No ones is ever going to love you because you are ugly and damaged

When they come to the front of my mind, they are mostly fleeting. I can take comfort in other thoughts. 
You have a stunning experience of the work market and you are loyal and motivated. 
You are cultivated and opinionated, you have dreams and goals.
You can always count on your friends and family they will never desert you. 

And if all fails i can always take out Kiki the blood-hungry yo-yo. It does  help with focusing and calming erratic thoughts. :)

Each day should be a new oportunity. 

Right?


generaljanuary: (cant make it)
Well since summer is the time of the year when it's acceptable to post more than once a day (what? I just made that up? no I didn't! Everyone knows that! duh...) aaand, since it's actually my first day back on internet, I'll indulge in some life catching up. (god knows I like talking about myself *eyeroll*)

Thankfully, there's not much heavy duty catching up to do at all... I guess first layer would be school, job, love life. And you might as well throw three successive massive bricks onto my head.

Still out of school. Hating myself everyday about it, but hey! I'm young, I'm intelligent and more motivated than ever! *fake smile* Nah, it's true, I AM motivated. My goal is to subscribe for the January session at St-Lawrence. (and my goal when I was 5 years old was to be Celine Dion when I grew up)...moving on...

Still working my crappy hateful job at McDonald's. Well now, at least there's a little improvement there, I did get a promotion about a year ago. I am now what we call a "Chef de Quart" (no idea what's the english equivalent) No, no. You are right. Even in another language it doesn't sound prestigious. That's because it really isn't. It still sucks, but I least now I get to boss spotty fifteen year olds around while earning twice their salary. (which I don't do all that much, really, I admit I'm a big ol' softie and they like me to bits these cute kids I work with *nuzzles them*) And well, to add insult to injury, I'll be celebrating my fifth anniversary at the service of the evil clown of capitalist doom in less than two months. Funny how my bosses consider it an achievement, while the rest of the world snickers and takes bets on wether I'll spend that rest of my life working there. (please, lord, nooo, nooo *bawls*) I know, I know, if you ain't willing to change it, don't whine about it. But... *shrugs* what else is lj for, eh ?

Lastly, but not least, my love life. You could lie on the ground and watch the grass grow and it would be more interesting than me talking about my (lack of) love life so there.

And to top it all of I'm still being a perfectly good daddy's girl. The perfect image of the fat dork living in the basement of her parents' lol. I say it with a smile, not bitterly. It's what bothers me less about all of the above, so heh.

What else is new under the Fannie sun...

Oh, that's right, Let me introduce you to my lovely basementmate(O_o) Mister Seba-Kun. Events happen and tumble and voila! I have a lovely new shiny friend, who lives in a bedroom right next to mine (We shared my big bedroom for about a year before that, mhe. Twas fun. And no, he isn't the fashion tip kinda gay so I can't get annoyed at him for telling me how to wear a dress :3)So yeah basically he's my rock. *blush*

Well I guess I could talk about the panic attacks and the crying fits. And the doctor and the pills and the ugly, ugly D word. The disease. I guess I could talk about how it feels to be told you are mentally ill. But really , that's all behind, now. What I really feel like talking about is my ROCKING ROCK STAR GODSON! He is TEH awesome. He's a baby! He just turned one! He speaks about 10 words! He runs around and play hide and seek and fetch! He is every colour in the world. He makes me so f*cking hopeful, you know? Funny thing is, I never like children. Especially babies. But he makes me want to make the world a better place, that lad. Well, he IS my sister's son, after all. <3

So yeah, basically it's like what the new profile says, it's about coming back stronger , it's about learning from your mistakes, it's about fighting your way out of that cocoon and becoming beautiful, better.
generaljanuary: (hissy fit)
Sorry, this cannot even be considered an update, this is solely to help someone with their school work. ( hope you're apraciationg M=P :p )
I don't expect comments =)



Gee, it's been so long that I can't even remember how to make an lj-cut u_u;; )

*sigh*

Apr. 5th, 2006 12:17 am
generaljanuary: (hissy fit)
Life as a full-time McDonald's cook and cashier sucks. Even though I'm a team leader. Still no internet but I think it might come back soon. (as in before the end of the summer u_u;; ) I miss all of you and hope I won't come back to cold shoulders when I do my great internet come back (har har)
I still get pretty down every few days. Being a drop-out sucks. Especially when you're trying to go back to school.

*sigh*

Feb. 22nd, 2006 01:58 pm
generaljanuary: (Default)
Still no internet for me. It will take much longer than I originally thought.
Just a quick life update to say that I left school and that my father is less than pleased about it. Don't worry, though. I have already applied for the fall semester in another program in another college. I've had a few days of utter depression but now I'm back on my feet, I think. I will be catching up on my f-list as soon as I get internet back (that is when I'll be on actual speaking terms with my father).


~"You must realise that you're never alone"~
generaljanuary: (happy)
*points to self* I'm still alive!
I've been leading quite the liberal life lately.
I didn't have the glorious beginning I hoped for the semester. I'm thinking of giving up 2-3 classes and extendmy program on 5 semesters. Idon't know what I'll do once I'm out of college anyway so I'm in no hurry ;)
... I'm taking things way too lightly, aren't I?
I just can't be bothered with the stress, really. I've had enough in the past. =)
generaljanuary: (Default)
I'm thinking about dropping out in the process of my second semester if I can't handle the pressure. I adore college and all, but the workload baffles me. I know it's not a lot compared to what most people have to endure and I'm being whiny again but I like school because I can learn stuff, because I like being intelligent. But the concept of being forced into writing something I'm not interested in has me staring at my computer screen for hours.
I guess everybody's been right all along; I'm not an ambitious person at all. I'm a slacker. I've burried myself too deep in a cocoon too tantalysing.I like 'doing my stuff' as I myself put it. Listen to my music, read my books, watch my movies, cruise the internet. Obligations have become sort of alien to me. I hate the idea of expectations.
It disgusts me really. *sigh*
I wish I could sleep and sleep and sleep and stop thinking.

When I was a child, I always had a lot of trouble going to sleep at night. I'd think about the sky and the stars and how small I was comapred to all of that. I'd wonder why I was human being and not an animal. Why I was me and not someone else. I'd wonder why I was at all. Why did I deserve the privilege of living? And finding no answer I would often find my chest tightening and I'd weep silent tears of confusion, my face buried deep in my pillow or in my stuffed animals. Sometimes my mom would hear me and she'd come to sit by me on my bed. She'd stroke me eyebrows and tell me to think about tomorrow, to take things one day at a time. She'd make me practice imagery and visualistion because sometimes I'd confess to her that I was scared that I would never wake up if I fell asleep.

That must be pretty hard on a mother.
generaljanuary: (Default)
*sigh* I'm in one of my moods again. *sulks*
Better go take a shower before I sart working on my Currents essay.

Essay assignemt:"Examine in 750 words or more the spirit of humanism exemplified by the choral passage on the wonders of man in Sphocles's Antigone, the excerpt from Pico della Mirandola's Oration on the Dignity of Man, and Sandro Botticelli's Birth of Venur. How do the renaissance works embody the classical humanistic ideal?"

Fran:...O.o WTF?? *runs in circle screaming and flailing her arms around like a headless chicken*

I've been working on [livejournal.com profile] naisscence's secret X-mas present. I hope you'll like it, Stace-Tace. I'll do my best for it to be ready by the 25th =)
generaljanuary: (not in the mood)
I was not ready, in this glorious morning, to be woken up by the drunken voice of..."LE PÈRE NOEL C'T'UN QÉBECOIS!!!!!!" Grrrr.
Can you see a Xmas tree and village taking the 1/3 of my living room? NO!
Can you see pretty lights hanging from the roof when you walk by my house? NO!
Did I buy anyone any present? NO!
I seriously don't want christmas to happen this year. I don't want it don'twantitdontwantit!!
Last year we still had Laurie so yeah, her and I made christmas tree and dad found it in him to decorate outside.
But now it's just him and I. And trust me, Christmas is not about to happen in here. *sigh*

I just found the printed copy of "Tomorrow" that one of my friend brought to college to read at lunch time... haha... that was quite a fun lunch hour, ne girls?

on to some memes now...
Memes )
generaljanuary: (Default)
I so should be doing school related stuff. Like writing my Philosophical journal that I am supposed to hand in today. Or prepare my english exam that I'm having tomorrow. Or read that novel I'm writing my French exam about on thursday.
But no. Instead I'm feeding my unhealty obsession with Major Tom. I want my motivation baaaaaack!! *shakes angry fist at whoever took it away*
I used to LOVE doing the whole school thing. Learning stuff. Raising my hand Hermione way. Getting a smug/amused look when I knew something others students didn't know.
I am currently reading the Marxist Communist Manifesto ONE EFFING WORD AT A TIME! I'm so pissed at myself. *sigh*

Quiz thing about music )
generaljanuary: (Default)
1- Keep as many lights on as possible. Dim lights or darkness are likely to make you sleepy.
2-Listen to loud angry music. Well. not necessarily angry, but definately something with a good rythm. Ballads are proscripted! They'll a) make you feel sleepy or b) make you feel depressed. None of these are good for writing papers. Putting a good song on repeat is okay, but be sure to change it once in while; too much repetition will lull you.
3-Drink as many coffe as you can. With loads of sugar. (or if you happen to be a lucky canadian I recommend a mix of sugar and Maple syrup. =) )
4- If you're overwhelmed by sleepiness and fed up with coffee, try a run up and down the stairs or a cold shower.
5- I by no means recommand what we call "wake up pills". I don't know what's their real name, I never tried them. Something tells me that they f*ck up your system more than caffeine.
6- STAY AWAY FROM YOUR LIVEJOUNRAL OR YOU WON'T GET ANY WORK DONE!!! ARGH!!!*dies*
generaljanuary: (Default)
How is it that one night I go to bed feeling on top of the world and wake up the next morning feeling like dirt? I'm exhausted and I seemed to have lost all motivation towards my studies. The semester is ending! Get a grip! *sigh* I should /so/ be in school learning German right now but I just want to sleep and lounge around the house. I seem to need to take a break from everything. School, work, hell! even my friends. I can't seem to stand any of them anymore. At least dad is okay. He's toned down the expectations, unlike everyone else. I miss Laurie. And mom.

*squee*

Nov. 14th, 2005 09:21 pm
generaljanuary: (Default)
Omg O_O...
On my Harry Potter shelf I have my HP books, SS, CoS and PoA in French pocket edition, GoF in French large editon and OotP and HBP in english normal edition, the HP glasses picture frame that Jessy got me 5 years ago (with slashy pics of Harry and Ron in them heehee), SS and CoS' dvd cases plus my two tiny fav neopet plushies. They are Lupes. (They look like dogs or wolves) One is pale blue and beige and the other is dark blue with yeallow stars on him. And when I got them they instantly became to me Moony and Padfoot. On my shelf I placed them so the tip of their noses touch so it kinda looks like they're eskimo kissing. I was thinking about how I never noticed before that Sirius and Remus are the back cover of the Gallimard French pockt edition when HBB just sorta fell and sent Moony and Padfoot flying in two opposite ways. Which brieng me to now. I'm just glaring at HBP thinking "You DIDN'T sink my ship! It's still canon!>.>" Image hosted by Photobucket.com

anyway... that happened right when I clicked the "update button so that's obviously not what I wanted to write about u_u;;

Been reading lotsa Harry/Ron lately. I'm quite happy about getting back into that pairing it used to be my hp OTP but now it's sharing the stage with Sirius/Remus. I drew that ridiculous fanart of Harry and Ron... naked! haha... my first time seriously trying to draw something of the sort hee hee. Well it's quite innocent really. It derives from an idea I had since back in '03 when I was mainly writing H/R it was more an image really that I wanted to use for a fic but it never did come up. it was of Ron lying naked with his arm outstreched and Harry, equally naked lying on top of him. After reading Mad Martha's "Coming Home" I felt like drawing and the only Harry/Ron stuff I could picture was that but I know I'm crap at percpective so I decided to try on a recycling sheet first. That was a mistake. I didn't draw exactly what I had in mind but it turned out quite okay. Good enough for me not being able to re-do it in my sketch book on decent paper >.<. Anyway. H and R seem to be in their late twenties. Ron is lying in a carpet on the floor with one arm outstreched and the other crooked above his head, naked, and all stubly looking up with a smile at Harry, who is standing equally naked and equallyc stubly with a hand on his hip and the outher reaching out to Ron. He's got that smirk that says "You were so hot last night that you burnt a hole through that carpet, Luv." Ha! I'd quite like it if it wasn't that their boyparts are all wrong and the proportions and perceptions aren't right but *shrugs*. It changed from what I usually draw. (well I *did* draw that quite steamy though unexplicit Sirius/Remus pic that had my friend going "are these two lesbians?" at it and me going O_O then >.< at him. Long hair doesn't mean girly, Jo! humph. I would've tought you knew what a man's chest looked like!)

Phew. My first semester in St-Lawrence is drawing to its end. Last day of class is Dec. 1st and exams are from there up to the 16th. There Christmas hols and I go back for the second semsester on Jan 16th. and the next Saturday, Jan. 21st is my BIRTHDAY!! =D The big one! Finally!

Can't wait for GoF! Thank God I haven't watched any of the previews and trailers and clips and vids and stuff running around the internet. I only saw a very brief preview at the theatre that was enough for me to grab Jessy's arm until it turned blue and I am quite satisfied. I mean... now they all feel like they've watched the whole movie already... doesn't that take away the squishy feeling you have all troughout the movie thinking "This is it! OMG! I'm watching it! This is it! I wish this moment never ends! Man! Rupert is so hot! erh I mean... erh..." I'm giong to see it at the IMAX theatre. I hope there is a midnight showing!! *bounces*
generaljanuary: (Default)
weird weird weird. (currently typing on the school's -TOTALLY UNFRIENDLY! YES!!! UNFRIENDLY TAKE THAT BITCHES!!! >.<- *cough* keyboard so yeah watch out for teh ev0l typos, they are quite fond of the idea of bite your eyes and shred your sanity to pieces...yes, yes.)
Anyways u_u;;
*ish trampled by homework* *suffocates* *dies*

...

*REVIVES!*

Comic 11

Oct. 7th, 2005 11:05 am
generaljanuary: (Default)
Weeee!
I pulled an all-nighter and finished all my homework! I'm on a caffeine/sugar high!*bouncebounce*
Well anyway, One whole week free, here I come!
*ish suddenly tired* guuuyh...

Here goes comic eleven in which I make a statement about the general media reaction when a HP movie comes out.
Comic 11 )
generaljanuary: (for you to be mine)
I really should be writing that french essay... I really really should be writing that french essay... Gargh! But I can't! NOt with my newly acquired SND dvd is waiting for me in my dvd player!!!!! TT_TT

...Focus, Fannie. Focus! "Montrez que pour Dora l'acte révolutionnaire se veut une ivresse libératrice... Montrez que pour Dora...*chants*" 'Les Justes'... Albert Camus! Existentialism... Dora... Focus!!

Or... or maybe I should really be writing that Philosophy summary of Deescartes' second meditation... Maybe i should really, really be writting that... Focus! Focus!

My "reading week" break starts tomorrow night with the school's beer bash... Must... Focus... until then...

Shall... post... comic... soon!
generaljanuary: (Default)
During my Spanish test, last week, I was sitting by the window and the rain was pouring and the wind was whistling outside. I watched raindrops tracing patterns on the window for the longest time, feeling like that girl in that story you've written Stacy.
<3

Some people are special in ways that they'll never know... I wish people knew... I wish they knew...

After a fun night spent drinking abit and smoking cherry cigarillos with my work friends, I came back home and went to bed and had one of these really weird dreams thati get from time to time. These weird dreams that leave me feeling so...strangely serene. Dreams like that would make normal people bitter for what they can never have, I guess, but I do grasp whatver tids and bits of peaceful quiet tender happiness when it floats by- not that I'm not happy, far from it, just a different kind of happy, I guess.

I bet I'll blush when I'll see you at school tomorrow... False memories of your head resting on my lap and our laughter in my bedroom. I will kiss that "red slip of paper" before going to bed tonight. Because I'm quite vain, really. I'm sure you can tell, Prez. Or are you? We were never told, were we?

*grins*

Sep. 29th, 2005 10:07 pm
generaljanuary: (romance)
Things are going too good to be true... *sakes head in wonder* ^-^
*hammers Aristotle* AH! 9.25/10 ! Take THAT you filmsy philosopher! XD
*scratches head* i utterly confused by how well things are going. Seems like every day I regain tids and bits of my self condidence and it feels utterly good.


"À ceux qui lui on fait du bien elle dit merci et aux autres, elle dit au revoir."

*blinku*

Sep. 25th, 2005 10:18 pm
generaljanuary: (Default)
Now, now! Guess who was chosen Employee of the Month? =D
Now, now! Guess who is going to get a promotion and a better salary? =D

Suddenly working my lovely butt off at McWorthshit doesn't seem so worthless anymore. *grins* Plus I've got this new gay co-worker who was so upset the other day about not liking his new hair color. He's an adorable sweetheart. And that other obviously staright co-worker guy and his more and more obvious obssession with my butt. Woah!!!???O_o ... anyway n_n;;

German is killing my brain *brain melts*
Mein Katze ist schwartz
Ein zwei drei vier funf sechs
Die Freudin//Die Freudinen
Scheint die Sonne?
Bist du blau?
Der Himmel ist blau!
*brain melts some more*

Spanish is altogether pretty easy.
Mi padre es un hombre muy encantador!
Me gustan los gatos.
Baila usted bien o mal?
Tengo sueno despuede de la clase de espanol de la senora Morissette.
La capital de México es la ciudad de México.
ochenta y cinco mas veinte es ciento veinte
*sigh*

I so love that I get to discuss Achilles and Patroclus' relationship as an essay topic in my Artistic and Literary Currents class XD

The Fall of the House of Usher= Sirius' family, anyone?

The Mars Volta's singer's legs' are still MINE!

I watched NGE ep. 24 and didn't cry! That's a first...
...
...
Kaworu-kuuuuuun!! TT_TT *sniffles*

What a nice glimpse at my dispatched mind ^^^^;;;

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