At 3:30 am I woke up once more to my dad's voice. Truth be told, I have this really bad habit of watching TV when I know I'm about to fall asleep so I end up spending half the night on the sofa. My dad, who seems to have sleeping problems as well (My mother was often plagued by insomnia, I have recurring sleep troubles and f*cked up sleep habits), always gets up, wake me up and gently sends me to my room. I guess I was in a pretty introspective kind of sleep when he woke me up because the meaning of these words he tells be everyday suddenly began to actually mean something.
"Fannie, ma belle fille, va te coucher dans ton lit."
"Fannie, ma belle fille, papa t'a acheté du jus de pomme."
"Fannie, ma belle fille, viendrais-tu m'aider à faire le souper?"
Well okay, in English it sounds weird, but in French it makes a lot more sense:
"Fannie, my beautiful daughter, you should go sleep in your bed."
"Fannie, my beautiful daughter, dad bought you apple juice."
"Fannie, my beautiful daughter, could you help me with the diner?"
I guess I always *heard* the words but I never took the time to realize what they meant and as soon as my brain actually registered it, I was filled this this incredible *love* for my dad.
When my mother was still around, she used to hate the way he'd often still babytalk to my sister and I. Referring to himself as 'dad'. "Dad's going at the grocery shop, do you need anything?" for example. To some people it must seem incredibly infantilising, but to me it's one of the few way my single father, a man who is no good with feelings and emotions, uses to show us he's still our dad, we're his children and he loves us as such.
To other people's eyes, our lives went on as usual since my mother's departure, but it's in the little things that you see that dad and I are fighting an everyday fight to get rid of her presence in the house, in our home.
First little detail. The "LIBERTÉ" tag my dad has on his minivan. Yes, it could seem that, just like many other CHOI auditors, he's supporting the radio channel's cause, but to me it really is something else. When the split was hanging over my parents's head heavily, the summer after my mother's two weeks escapade and her trip to France, she was outraged by the CHOI supporters and my dad, only proving that, oposite to what she seemed to think, was not so passive about what was going on. He basically did it to tick her off.
Then there is this new desire to redecorate. My dad has never been much of a decorating person. My mother made the plans and he executed the plans. Now, he's planning on redecorring practically every room my mother decorated and it's just really delighting to see him come up all sorts of new scented candles and accessories.
And there's this assurance that you have that every time you open the fridge you'll find a bottle of apple juice. Nothing fantastic about it! You say... Well I always LOVED apple juice but my mother has never wanted me to drink it. When I was a kid, because of Quebec's pecular weather, I was in the permanent state of having a cold. Always sneezing and coughing and having my troath hurt. My mother had this belief that apple juice, just like dairy products, worsen a cold. So I was never allowed to drink it.
Anyway, those are just a few realizations that really makes me enjoy more my new life with my dad. I love everything he does for us and wish I could be more grateful.
Mmh... On a totally different train of thoughts, I'm going to the sugar shack with school tomorrow after noon. I haven't gone since Easter. Can't wait for the hot taffee and fresh mapple syrup and greasy pancakes! Mmmmh! One of the few joys of living here in Quebec!
Other than that I had a sort of satisfying though a bit boring day. No drama practice!! *cheers*
Need... more... Stef/Bri... goodness... T_T Me wants the pretty pretty slash!!^^;
(I hate how I dropped root beer on my keybord and the only key who's sticky is ^ so everytime I try to express contentment, joy, exasperation etc. my keybord is being a b*tch about it and the result is: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >.<)
(I guess that what I hate most of all is being too Lazy to fix it ^^;;;;)