generaljanuary

I just don't know how I'll survive for a month and a half all on my own. Just thinking of it makes me have panic attacks. I have no other friends than him and just not being alone is the only thing that has kept me on top for the last year or so and I'm terribly, terribly scared of how my mental state is going to deteriorate once I find myself all alone once again in my lonely basement from which I can't seem to reach out to anyone. But I can't tell him those things because it's not his fault that he's my only friend and that no one likes me and he has no obligation towards me whatsoever and he has a right to lead his own life and it does not have to include me. God, I'm such a freak show.

I'm terribly sorry.