anniversary

[generaljanuary]

I don't remember the exact date, but about a year ago I tried to commit suicide. I could never really talk about it with anyone... The cops who found me were unsensitive, annoyed bulky males,(we don't really want to know what you were doing up there, just give us your address,please"), my mother refused to believe it, ("I'd know it if you were unhappy. You're my daughter. I know what depression is. You are completely happy."), Jessy made me promise never to do it again, my friends are only vaguely aware of it or brush it off. ("Yeah, I've heard. So, what did you have for lunch?"). My dad and my sister never knew. I don't even think I told you, Stacy. I sometimes feel the urge to run back up there without the hesitations I had a year ago, but I'm now able to control this urge. Memories of that day sometimes come back in flashbacks. My trench coat flying in the wind, the cold plastic backseat of the police car. The drivers, below, gesturing wildly at me not to jump. God.

I think about it everyday. About suicide and my attempt. I don't think I'll ever try again. It's all behind me, now. I'm much better. I try to live life with passion and gratitude. It's not easy everyday and I do have some bad days, but mostly I'm fine now. Thanks to everyone who, without even knowing it, makes me want to live until tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that and the day after that...

There is much love to be shared. <3

Happy one year anniversary, life.