generaljanuary

you can tell by the wind
by fresh cut wood
all stacked to dry
that autumn's here
and it makes you sad
about the crumby summer we had
with pine trees creaking
the raven's screeching
just like the story my grandma tells
about when a bird
hits your window
someone you know
is about to die
autumn's here
it's ok if you want cry
-Autumn's Here, Hawksley Workman

Autumn has always been one of my favourite season. I live in a very temperamental four seasons climate and I see seasons in colours and smells. Summer is yellow and blue and long and loud. Spring is green and brown and soggy and quiet. Winter is black and white, still yet alive. Autumn is orange and grey; fire and smoke. It always striked me as the season that appealed the most to my senses. I'm glad that autumn's here and it would be ok if I wanted to cry. What's even more ok is that I haven't cried in 25 days. That feels good.

Today I missed Seba-kun. I've come to a realization since he's been gone. For months now I thought I was horrible and selfish using his presence as a mood stabilizer. That's why I was so afraid when he let for France. But now that he's gone, I see that I can stand on my own two legs on my own, but I still miss him, in a very healthy way. He's the person I like to discuss my dilemmas with. I value his opinion. I can see clearly now that I don't have him around because I need to, but because I like it. Everyday now I feel a little more sane.