Of Ends and Beginnings
Oct. 19th, 2008 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
generaljanuaryTitle: Of Ends and Beginnings
Author/Artist: fanny_moon
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: Sirius/Remus, Remus/Tonks
Fandom: Harry Potter
Words: around 1500
Theme: # 12: Children
Summary: Two eras, two lovers, two sons. Still, not much has changed in Remus Lupin’s heart.
“Now that’s a good boy, yeah, that’s right. Go for it. I know you can! Yes I know you can!” Sirius cooed as Harry was trying to fit his whole fist into his mouth, drooling all over his chin and arm.
“Yuck,” Remus chuckled as he came up behind Sirius, “I told Lily you were only going to show him disgusting things.”
Sirius grinned up at him from his sitting position on the floor.
“Hey Moony. What time is it?”
Harry had given up on his hand and was now trying to drown a rubber giraffe in his saliva.
“It’s nearly two, Prongs and Lily should be here in about an hour to pick him up. Is it safe to sit beside you or should I be wary of more baby drool on the carpet?”
“Aw, you love the baby drool.” Sirius pouted as he took both of Harry’s tiny wet hands in his to clap them together, to the toddler’s delight. “Tell Harry you love his baby drool, Moony.”
Remus laughed and rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder. He put his index finger on the tip of the boy’s little nose.
“Uncle Moony loves your baby drool, yes he does.”
Harry smiled and cooed.
“Neee! Neee!”
Sirius’ chuckle resounded into Remus’s head as the taller man kissed his temple.
“Amazing, isn’t it. He recognizes us, now. Prongs said last time we visited, he cried after we apparated back here. He actually misses us. It’s…”
“I know. How can people say you shouldn’t bring kids to the world in times of war. It’s his great big shiny eyes that make me want to make the world a better place.”
Sirius hummed in agreement, resting his chin on top Remus’s head.
“Love you, my Moony.”
“I’ll love you more when your hands aren’t all sticky with baby drool.”
Sirius playfully shoved him and they both laughed, causing Harry to join them in innocent mirth.
The sweat was turning to cold on their mismatched skin as they laid side by side in the rickety bed, both staring silently at the ceiling.
A sideway glance offered Remus the long-ago sight of black locks of hair curling on stark-white sheets and he adverted his gaze with a sharp intake of breath.
“You-” he stopped and sighed, momentarily covering his eyes with the palm of his hand before he turned and picked up a strand of dark hair with his index and thumb and tugged lightly at it. “You don’t have to do this you know.” He said in a raspy tone that could have been fatigue or emotion.
“Mmh?” Tonks turned to him. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t even… I didn’t think. I’m so sorry.” Her hair changed in rapid succession; crop-short and auburn, long and white, an orange bob. “I’m sorry, I don’t know… How would you like them?”
He smiled tightly, the absence in his eyes never receding, as he gently patted her on the head.
“I don’t really mind, honestly, as long as you’re not trying to be someone else.”
His kind words hurt her more than she would have thought possible and she turned her back to him, if she got too emotional over this, she didn’t want him to see her face. Even though the faces she wore weren’t hers, the feelings they displayed came very much from within and she didn’t want to burden him with them. She would have liked to tell him that she didn’t know who she was, she didn’t know how to make herself look.
She wanted to tell him that mostly, these days, she would have liked to be anyone besides herself. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t know what she wanted. That having sex in a cheap hotel room because the man she loved couldn’t bring himself to do it in the house of the man he loved was not what she wanted. She pressed her hand to her mouth to keep it all in, to swallow that helplessness. She had known full well from the very start that this wasn’t about her. She had wanted to take care of him at any cost, but in the process, she had become the kind of person who needs to be taken care of.
He looked at her tanned back, still not knowing what to make of her. Her hair had turned a tired old colour, and reached just past her thin shoulders, he thought that like that, she looked very vulnerable and once more he felt ashamed.
She had offered herself to him while he was drunkenly grieving his lost love, he didn’t remember much except that she had worn dark hair. He still hadn’t worked himself into asking her if she had done it on purpose. He knew that he couldn’t feel for her what she so obviously and painfully felt for him. But she’d known as well.
He’d continued out of shame. He couldn’t admit to himself that he succumbed to a moment of weakness so he persuaded himself that there was something beneath it. That it was more than what it really was. That his very soul didn’t claw at his throat and chest every time his hand lost itself in the intricate curves of her strange body.
With time, though, he’d found that there was something underneath. Not what neither of them might have wanted, but still.
His cold pale hand traced a scar on her left shoulder blade and she shuddered.
“I wouldn’t have expected you to have so many scars.” He said quietly. “I’m usually the one… You know.”
She turned her body towards him, not quite touching, and smiled thinly.
“Comes from being so clumsy. That’s at least something we have in common.”
He wished she wasn’t facing him when he said:
“Why are you selling yourself so cheap, Nymphadora?”
“So you don’t have to. I don’t want you to die alone.”
Like him, they thought in unison. Remus’ cowardice hung over them like a veil.
He chuckled mirthlessly.
“I’m hardly on the verge of death. I know I am in no situation to ask you this sort of question, but I get scared that you might pass up on more… fulfilling opportunities. You are young, you could still…”
“So are you!” She interrupted him, her hand reaching out for him but halting in the process. “So could you. I am right where I want to be.”
He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, shame clogging all of his senses, when he said:
“I don’t know that I could ever stop loving him. You have to know that. It is only fair that you should know that.”
“Remus, this thing that we have, it’s ok. You are not taking advantage. It’s warm. It’s comforting.”
When she saw that he remained silent, his face hidden in the folds of his trembling fingers, she urged on: “Isn’t it?”
“Yes.” He whispered, “It has even become, dare I say… comfortable.”
Tonks smiled and curled upon herself, resting her hand on her belly.
“Remus, have you ever thought you might like to have children?” Her voice was soft and controlled.
He smiled a wistful smile.
“Well, I have thought about it, certainly, but back when I was a teenager, there was the no one is ever going to love me thing.”
“Oh I know that one!” She half-laughed. “Don’t we all.”
“And then there was the werewolf thing.”
“It’s impossible for you to pass it down to your child, you do know that? Plus, there is no law against it.”
“Well the reason they don’t need a law, is because no one would be foolish enough to have a child with a werewolf, silly girl.”
“Don’t say that. You don’t know.”
He continued as though she hadn’t spoken.
“And then there was…”
“The Sirius thing. Right?” She finished for him.
“Yes.”
“He would have made a great father.” Nymphadora said, her throat feeling very tight.
“He was a great godfather, I mean even before. He loved Harry like his own. It was beautiful to see. I…”
She put her tanned hand on his pale shoulder.
“Me too. I miss him too, Remus.”
They were silent for a moment before Remus spoke up.
“You have something you want to tell me, right. That wasn’t an innocent question.” He stared up at the ceiling for a while, waiting expectantly for her reply. When none came, he turned to her and saw that her eyes were full of tears and she was covering her mouth with the hand that wasn’t resting on her stomach.
He caressed her hair with his left hand. It had gone back to black and Remus understood now that it wasn’t Sirius she was unconsciously emulating, but her own mother.
“It alright, Nymphadora. It’s ok. It’s warm. It’s comfortable.”
He placed his right hand atop of hers, on her warm belly.
N/A:Well, this was supposed to be drabble. It turned into a right monster, didn’t it? *chuckles* I’ve never cared much for Remus/Tonks (or Tonks at all, for that matter), but I went with the prompt and that’s what happened. Hope some people liked it. :)
x-posted to my journal,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
remusxsiriusand 64damn_prompts
Author/Artist: fanny_moon
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: Sirius/Remus, Remus/Tonks
Fandom: Harry Potter
Words: around 1500
Theme: # 12: Children
Summary: Two eras, two lovers, two sons. Still, not much has changed in Remus Lupin’s heart.
“Now that’s a good boy, yeah, that’s right. Go for it. I know you can! Yes I know you can!” Sirius cooed as Harry was trying to fit his whole fist into his mouth, drooling all over his chin and arm.
“Yuck,” Remus chuckled as he came up behind Sirius, “I told Lily you were only going to show him disgusting things.”
Sirius grinned up at him from his sitting position on the floor.
“Hey Moony. What time is it?”
Harry had given up on his hand and was now trying to drown a rubber giraffe in his saliva.
“It’s nearly two, Prongs and Lily should be here in about an hour to pick him up. Is it safe to sit beside you or should I be wary of more baby drool on the carpet?”
“Aw, you love the baby drool.” Sirius pouted as he took both of Harry’s tiny wet hands in his to clap them together, to the toddler’s delight. “Tell Harry you love his baby drool, Moony.”
Remus laughed and rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder. He put his index finger on the tip of the boy’s little nose.
“Uncle Moony loves your baby drool, yes he does.”
Harry smiled and cooed.
“Neee! Neee!”
Sirius’ chuckle resounded into Remus’s head as the taller man kissed his temple.
“Amazing, isn’t it. He recognizes us, now. Prongs said last time we visited, he cried after we apparated back here. He actually misses us. It’s…”
“I know. How can people say you shouldn’t bring kids to the world in times of war. It’s his great big shiny eyes that make me want to make the world a better place.”
Sirius hummed in agreement, resting his chin on top Remus’s head.
“Love you, my Moony.”
“I’ll love you more when your hands aren’t all sticky with baby drool.”
Sirius playfully shoved him and they both laughed, causing Harry to join them in innocent mirth.
The sweat was turning to cold on their mismatched skin as they laid side by side in the rickety bed, both staring silently at the ceiling.
A sideway glance offered Remus the long-ago sight of black locks of hair curling on stark-white sheets and he adverted his gaze with a sharp intake of breath.
“You-” he stopped and sighed, momentarily covering his eyes with the palm of his hand before he turned and picked up a strand of dark hair with his index and thumb and tugged lightly at it. “You don’t have to do this you know.” He said in a raspy tone that could have been fatigue or emotion.
“Mmh?” Tonks turned to him. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t even… I didn’t think. I’m so sorry.” Her hair changed in rapid succession; crop-short and auburn, long and white, an orange bob. “I’m sorry, I don’t know… How would you like them?”
He smiled tightly, the absence in his eyes never receding, as he gently patted her on the head.
“I don’t really mind, honestly, as long as you’re not trying to be someone else.”
His kind words hurt her more than she would have thought possible and she turned her back to him, if she got too emotional over this, she didn’t want him to see her face. Even though the faces she wore weren’t hers, the feelings they displayed came very much from within and she didn’t want to burden him with them. She would have liked to tell him that she didn’t know who she was, she didn’t know how to make herself look.
She wanted to tell him that mostly, these days, she would have liked to be anyone besides herself. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t know what she wanted. That having sex in a cheap hotel room because the man she loved couldn’t bring himself to do it in the house of the man he loved was not what she wanted. She pressed her hand to her mouth to keep it all in, to swallow that helplessness. She had known full well from the very start that this wasn’t about her. She had wanted to take care of him at any cost, but in the process, she had become the kind of person who needs to be taken care of.
He looked at her tanned back, still not knowing what to make of her. Her hair had turned a tired old colour, and reached just past her thin shoulders, he thought that like that, she looked very vulnerable and once more he felt ashamed.
She had offered herself to him while he was drunkenly grieving his lost love, he didn’t remember much except that she had worn dark hair. He still hadn’t worked himself into asking her if she had done it on purpose. He knew that he couldn’t feel for her what she so obviously and painfully felt for him. But she’d known as well.
He’d continued out of shame. He couldn’t admit to himself that he succumbed to a moment of weakness so he persuaded himself that there was something beneath it. That it was more than what it really was. That his very soul didn’t claw at his throat and chest every time his hand lost itself in the intricate curves of her strange body.
With time, though, he’d found that there was something underneath. Not what neither of them might have wanted, but still.
His cold pale hand traced a scar on her left shoulder blade and she shuddered.
“I wouldn’t have expected you to have so many scars.” He said quietly. “I’m usually the one… You know.”
She turned her body towards him, not quite touching, and smiled thinly.
“Comes from being so clumsy. That’s at least something we have in common.”
He wished she wasn’t facing him when he said:
“Why are you selling yourself so cheap, Nymphadora?”
“So you don’t have to. I don’t want you to die alone.”
Like him, they thought in unison. Remus’ cowardice hung over them like a veil.
He chuckled mirthlessly.
“I’m hardly on the verge of death. I know I am in no situation to ask you this sort of question, but I get scared that you might pass up on more… fulfilling opportunities. You are young, you could still…”
“So are you!” She interrupted him, her hand reaching out for him but halting in the process. “So could you. I am right where I want to be.”
He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, shame clogging all of his senses, when he said:
“I don’t know that I could ever stop loving him. You have to know that. It is only fair that you should know that.”
“Remus, this thing that we have, it’s ok. You are not taking advantage. It’s warm. It’s comforting.”
When she saw that he remained silent, his face hidden in the folds of his trembling fingers, she urged on: “Isn’t it?”
“Yes.” He whispered, “It has even become, dare I say… comfortable.”
Tonks smiled and curled upon herself, resting her hand on her belly.
“Remus, have you ever thought you might like to have children?” Her voice was soft and controlled.
He smiled a wistful smile.
“Well, I have thought about it, certainly, but back when I was a teenager, there was the no one is ever going to love me thing.”
“Oh I know that one!” She half-laughed. “Don’t we all.”
“And then there was the werewolf thing.”
“It’s impossible for you to pass it down to your child, you do know that? Plus, there is no law against it.”
“Well the reason they don’t need a law, is because no one would be foolish enough to have a child with a werewolf, silly girl.”
“Don’t say that. You don’t know.”
He continued as though she hadn’t spoken.
“And then there was…”
“The Sirius thing. Right?” She finished for him.
“Yes.”
“He would have made a great father.” Nymphadora said, her throat feeling very tight.
“He was a great godfather, I mean even before. He loved Harry like his own. It was beautiful to see. I…”
She put her tanned hand on his pale shoulder.
“Me too. I miss him too, Remus.”
They were silent for a moment before Remus spoke up.
“You have something you want to tell me, right. That wasn’t an innocent question.” He stared up at the ceiling for a while, waiting expectantly for her reply. When none came, he turned to her and saw that her eyes were full of tears and she was covering her mouth with the hand that wasn’t resting on her stomach.
He caressed her hair with his left hand. It had gone back to black and Remus understood now that it wasn’t Sirius she was unconsciously emulating, but her own mother.
“It alright, Nymphadora. It’s ok. It’s warm. It’s comfortable.”
He placed his right hand atop of hers, on her warm belly.
N/A:Well, this was supposed to be drabble. It turned into a right monster, didn’t it? *chuckles* I’ve never cared much for Remus/Tonks (or Tonks at all, for that matter), but I went with the prompt and that’s what happened. Hope some people liked it. :)
x-posted to my journal,
remusxsiriusand 64damn_prompts
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-10-20 07:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-22 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-20 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-22 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-20 02:14 pm (UTC)I've always felt very sorry for Tonks and, in a weird way, related to her because, yes, honestly, I think many of us would have wanted to reach out to poor Remus in his time of grief.
This killed me: “So you don’t have to. I don’t want you to die alone.”
Like him, they thought in unison. Remus’ cowardice hung over them like a veil.
Beautiful! And I miss Sirius, too!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-22 08:19 pm (UTC)As for Tonks, that's exactly the feeling I had when I wrote it. I felt she is the sort of character you can relate to, in that aspect that everyone has lived an unfulfilling or unfulfilled love.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-22 08:40 pm (UTC)Exactly!!
Plus, it's almost ironic when people in our ship hate her because you only know that most Remus-lovers would have offered themselves to her. (I'm not excpeting myself from that, btw.) ;)
no subject
Date: 2008-10-25 10:20 pm (UTC)Okay, well, hi. I'm always on the look out for new friends, so I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I added you. I'm looking forward to reading more of your drabbles! Or, short stories at the least!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-26 12:02 am (UTC)Oh! Of course of course! I'll friend you back, I always like reading other people's journal. (I hope thit doesn't make me sound strange and stalker-ish or something lol)
no subject
Date: 2008-10-26 03:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-29 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-30 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-07 03:10 am (UTC)God how I miss Sirius! Thanx for sharing. =)
ps. found your journal via
no subject
Date: 2008-12-07 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-08 03:06 am (UTC)It isn't often you hear things like that..it's cool. Spreading random sunshine wherever I go.. lol.
Peace