(no subject)
Jul. 6th, 2005 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
generaljanuary*sigh* I had written that really long post yesterday about how my dad secretly goes 'Janet!' in the kitchen when I listen to RHPS's 'Damnit Janet' in my bedroom, how the guy from the manga store suggested that I might be downloading yaoi scanlations, how childishly embarassed I am when I buy yaoi/shonen ai mangas, what a perv I'm being nowadays on the yaoi_daily comm, how C.R.A.Z.Y. scores pretty high in my top ten fav movies because of this and that reason and my computer went berserk and ate it. Mmh mmh, it ate it. *chomp*
I now remember why I can never remember nothing much from my summer holidays. Because I'm left home alone to rot in my own self-misery. In past years I at least had my mother with me but now I'm completely alone and I can't stand it. I hate that I can't seem to write anymore. Not that I hadn't realisedbefore that I wasn't that good at it anyway, but it always was my only plan for the future. write. what if, not only am I no longer particularly good at it, what if I just CAN'T write anymore?Real life does tend to kill off the artist in you, ne? I have all of these nice sentences and ideas and outlines and fancy words in my head but they refuse to come out. The genius' wrote young and died young. Nelligan! for fuck's sake! Nelligan wrote everything he had to write and then went insane at the age of 16.
I wish dad wasn't so depressed. I wish I could cheer him up. I wish we could just forget about mom and money and keeping the house. I wish we could just sit in the yard and play with the dog and laugh and be content.
I wish we had enough money to go grocery shopping.
unscrew my head
I now remember why I can never remember nothing much from my summer holidays. Because I'm left home alone to rot in my own self-misery. In past years I at least had my mother with me but now I'm completely alone and I can't stand it. I hate that I can't seem to write anymore. Not that I hadn't realisedbefore that I wasn't that good at it anyway, but it always was my only plan for the future. write. what if, not only am I no longer particularly good at it, what if I just CAN'T write anymore?Real life does tend to kill off the artist in you, ne? I have all of these nice sentences and ideas and outlines and fancy words in my head but they refuse to come out. The genius' wrote young and died young. Nelligan! for fuck's sake! Nelligan wrote everything he had to write and then went insane at the age of 16.
I wish dad wasn't so depressed. I wish I could cheer him up. I wish we could just forget about mom and money and keeping the house. I wish we could just sit in the yard and play with the dog and laugh and be content.
I wish we had enough money to go grocery shopping.
unscrew my head
