generaljanuary

Hnn. I finished watching the Fullmetal Alchemist anime this morning. I always feel so empty after finishing anime series. I own the movie but I don't want to watch it now, although I feel like I can't wait, really. I can't believe I waited so many years to buy the mangas on the sole account of  "but it will be like selling my soul to shonen..."  Haha. Been downloading a lot of scanlated yaoi, it's been a very long time since my local manga store received any new books, have to feed the obsession. *shrugs* ^^;;

Anyway, Seba-kun called yesterday and even though the connection was really bad, I was very glad to talk to him. 8 days 'til he gats back. Oh and he tells me he's been lurking round here. hehe. *blushes*

Oh wow, rented "My Blueberry Nights" starring Jude Law and Norah Jones with maman yesterday. It was love at first view. I don't think I've ever liked Jude Law more. He does excel in the uptights roles, but see what he can do when you let him play a more laid back character? I want to eat blueberry pie, now. Hee.

So, I think I'll beat the End-of-anime-blues by going out to a cafe and finish that poem I've been working on for almost a month now. This one is really eating at my brain, I cannot seem to find satisfaction in it, no matter how many times I re-write it. I do love it, though. It was spurned onto me when I briefly saw an old love of mine in the bus; im being so near without me being able to reach out to him. Yup.

So urgh. It seems that speaking about health in my last post triggered it to come and bite back. I was pretty sick there for a couple of days, it was awful, couldn't keep anything down. I even had to miss some work because of it which was incredibly complicated and frustrating it seems.

Me: *Calling my boss at 8 am after a terrible bout of being sick*
Boss: Restaurant McCrappiestjobever, how may I help you?
Me: Urgh. Hi it's Fannie.
Boss: Hi! How are you doing, Fannie?
Me: Not so good, I was wondering if there was anyone who could take over my shift tonight, Im feeling prett--uurgh. i'llcallyoubackokbye uuurgh---
::Ten minutes later::
Me:*Calling my boss at 8:10 am after another terrible bout of being sick*
Boss: Restaurant McIdontgiveadamn, how may I help you?
Me: Hi it's Fannie again.
Boss: Hey there! How are you doing?
Me: ... Well actually I'm pretty sick.I was wondering if there was anyone available to take over my shift.
Boss: Oh sure you got some pen and paper? I'll give you some numbers.
Me: ... *kneeling in the bathroom, stares at toilet dumbfoundedly*
Boss: You ready?

So I actually had to place the calls myself ( being sick a couple of times in the meanwhile). 1st person is in school, I leave a message on her voicemail. Second person is in school as well, she doesn't have voicemail. Third and last person is an angel sent from above and he says yes. so I call back my boss to tell her so, everything is fine and go back to sleep, holding a plastic bucket.
9:30 am: 1st person calls back omg so sorry can't take your shift S'okay honey someone else took it. *is violently sick and goes back to sleep with bucket-kun*
10:15 am: Third person sends me a text message forgot i had an apointment 2nite any1 else can take ur shift? am in school call me at noon wtf you moron!?!? *falls asleep on the bathroom floor*
11:00 am: 2nd person calls back, I explain situation oh so sorry can't blah blah K thnx bye uuuurgh
12:15 pm: Third person calls back so anyone available Why can't you just leave me alone!! I just want to be sick in peace please, let me be sick in peace *bawls* (it seems his apointment wasn't all that important after all *eyeroll*)
13:30 pm: assistant manager calls(she actually takes care of another floor, the whole staff works at two different places) what's going on? 3rd person called me this morning about your shift why didn't call me *whinewhine* first of all, because it's got nothing to do with you, it's not me working on your floor tonight, you would have seen that if you had looked at your schedule which is right next to the phone, by the way and I made that quite clear with third person, I don't know why he called you, but I arranged everything with Boss this morning. Second of all, oh, I don't know, maybe because I've been too busy BEING F*CKING SICK ALL OVER THE PLACE.

At that point I decided it might be a good idea to turn off my cellphone since I didn't want third person to change his mind a second time or for, oh, I don't know, the whole staff to start calling me while I'm barfing my head off.

I was completely miserable. I'm glad I only had one shift on those couple of days I was sick, seeing as I would have rather quit my job than having to live through that bleeding circus for four days.

I'm all better now, thanks to some peace and quiet. *snorts*

Woah. So basically everyone's gone Seb is gone to France and we gotta keep Fannie busy!!(and I'll say whatever I want about it, but no words can convey how grateful I am that this happened without me having to ask anything from anyone.) So on the 28th I was working at night, and the 29th Hubert the 2nd invited me over to his place and we watched the first three episedes of Firefly and I LOVED it. (can't wait to watch more!!) Yesterday I spent most of the day with Mom and we rented Breaking and Entering starring Jude Law and Juliette Binoche. It was an excellent movie. For some reason, when I'm with my mom I always seem to rent movies in which guys cheat on their wives, and this once, we actually still liked the cheating guy. He was an alright sort of bloke (and he was Jude Law. lol) Later that night, another of my friend came over and we played Mario Galaxy on the Wii. She left at about 3 am. Tonight, I went out with one of my friend who has been working out of town in a radio station and we went pretty wild on the one buck beers. (Her, her sister, Hubert the second and I) La Petite Grenouille was ON FIRE with people there for the labour day party. The signer guys were awesome too. Also, I'll go see Batman again on Tuesday night with Marie-C. (from the 30th Wii game night).

So basically, friends are <3. Especially when you think you don't have any and they suddenly pop out of nowhere to your rescue in the darkest times. <3<3<3

EDIT: I hate the Rich text format. It makes me feel stupid for remembering what little stupid piece of html I still know.

My cousin was supposed to get married on the 16th. Earlier when I got home, my dad told me the wedding was off. I thought for sure they had couple troubles and went:  "Yikes, and they have a kid, too." . Turns out they didn't get in a fight, but he got in an accident. 

Well since summer is the time of the year when it's acceptable to post more than once a day (what? I just made that up? no I didn't! Everyone knows that! duh...) aaand, since it's actually my first day back on internet, I'll indulge in some life catching up. (god knows I like talking about myself *eyeroll*)

Thankfully, there's not much heavy duty catching up to do at all... I guess first layer would be school, job, love life. And you might as well throw three successive massive bricks onto my head.

Still out of school. Hating myself everyday about it, but hey! I'm young, I'm intelligent and more motivated than ever! *fake smile* Nah, it's true, I AM motivated. My goal is to subscribe for the January session at St-Lawrence. (and my goal when I was 5 years old was to be Celine Dion when I grew up)...moving on...

Still working my crappy hateful job at McDonald's. Well now, at least there's a little improvement there, I did get a promotion about a year ago. I am now what we call a "Chef de Quart" (no idea what's the english equivalent) No, no. You are right. Even in another language it doesn't sound prestigious. That's because it really isn't. It still sucks, but I least now I get to boss spotty fifteen year olds around while earning twice their salary. (which I don't do all that much, really, I admit I'm a big ol' softie and they like me to bits these cute kids I work with *nuzzles them*) And well, to add insult to injury, I'll be celebrating my fifth anniversary at the service of the evil clown of capitalist doom in less than two months. Funny how my bosses consider it an achievement, while the rest of the world snickers and takes bets on wether I'll spend that rest of my life working there. (please, lord, nooo, nooo *bawls*) I know, I know, if you ain't willing to change it, don't whine about it. But... *shrugs* what else is lj for, eh ?

Lastly, but not least, my love life. You could lie on the ground and watch the grass grow and it would be more interesting than me talking about my (lack of) love life so there.

And to top it all of I'm still being a perfectly good daddy's girl. The perfect image of the fat dork living in the basement of her parents' lol. I say it with a smile, not bitterly. It's what bothers me less about all of the above, so heh.

What else is new under the Fannie sun...

Oh, that's right, Let me introduce you to my lovely basementmate(O_o) Mister Seba-Kun. Events happen and tumble and voila! I have a lovely new shiny friend, who lives in a bedroom right next to mine (We shared my big bedroom for about a year before that, mhe. Twas fun. And no, he isn't the fashion tip kinda gay so I can't get annoyed at him for telling me how to wear a dress :3)So yeah basically he's my rock. *blush*

Well I guess I could talk about the panic attacks and the crying fits. And the doctor and the pills and the ugly, ugly D word. The disease. I guess I could talk about how it feels to be told you are mentally ill. But really , that's all behind, now. What I really feel like talking about is my ROCKING ROCK STAR GODSON! He is TEH awesome. He's a baby! He just turned one! He speaks about 10 words! He runs around and play hide and seek and fetch! He is every colour in the world. He makes me so f*cking hopeful, you know? Funny thing is, I never like children. Especially babies. But he makes me want to make the world a better place, that lad. Well, he IS my sister's son, after all. <3

So yeah, basically it's like what the new profile says, it's about coming back stronger , it's about learning from your mistakes, it's about fighting your way out of that cocoon and becoming beautiful, better.

Yeah, well guess what, dad?
I'm this close to losing it too!
So lay off my back for a few f*cking seconds!

Jesus f*cking christ!

been drinking a lot lately... Oh well!

I'm thinking about dropping out in the process of my second semester if I can't handle the pressure. I adore college and all, but the workload baffles me. I know it's not a lot compared to what most people have to endure and I'm being whiny again but I like school because I can learn stuff, because I like being intelligent. But the concept of being forced into writing something I'm not interested in has me staring at my computer screen for hours.
I guess everybody's been right all along; I'm not an ambitious person at all. I'm a slacker. I've burried myself too deep in a cocoon too tantalysing.I like 'doing my stuff' as I myself put it. Listen to my music, read my books, watch my movies, cruise the internet. Obligations have become sort of alien to me. I hate the idea of expectations.
It disgusts me really. *sigh*
I wish I could sleep and sleep and sleep and stop thinking.

When I was a child, I always had a lot of trouble going to sleep at night. I'd think about the sky and the stars and how small I was comapred to all of that. I'd wonder why I was human being and not an animal. Why I was me and not someone else. I'd wonder why I was at all. Why did I deserve the privilege of living? And finding no answer I would often find my chest tightening and I'd weep silent tears of confusion, my face buried deep in my pillow or in my stuffed animals. Sometimes my mom would hear me and she'd come to sit by me on my bed. She'd stroke me eyebrows and tell me to think about tomorrow, to take things one day at a time. She'd make me practice imagery and visualistion because sometimes I'd confess to her that I was scared that I would never wake up if I fell asleep.

That must be pretty hard on a mother.